Fun in the SSSN
by BranwenOSV
Summary: Neptune is afraid of the water. Scarlet hates the feel of sand. Sage doesn't have a girlfriend. Sun plans to mess with...I mean, help his teammates become cool on the Beacon teams' day at the beach. (r/RWBY MonCon entry) (Non-canon goofiness)


**A/N: This fic was written for the r/RWBY MonCon of August, with the theme being "Team SSSN" and "Beach". It also follows the RWBY Chibi rule that nothing tragic ever happened and none of this should be taken seriously.**

* * *

With the hot Summer weather reaching its peak, teams RWBY, JNPR, and SSSN decided to head to the beach for a day of fun and cooling off. Sun was currently in the back of the boys' van with his team, Jaune, and Ren.

"So what's everyone got planned for today?" asked Sun.

"Nora wants me to help her find some pirate treasure," said Ren.

"I'm going to hold my annual Arc Volleyball Invitational," said Jaune.

"I've got a bet going with Yang over who will attract the most men at the beach," said Scarlet. "No doubt I'll win thanks to my clearly superior abs."

"Are men really going to be attracted to a guy who doesn't even like the feel of sand?" asked Neptune.

"At least I'm not afraid of water!" replied Scarlet.

"You can drown in water! All sand does is get between your toes!"

"And do you know how incredibly annoying that is?"

"Guess you won't be competing in the volleyball tournament," said Jaune. "How about you Sage?"

"I'm not really one for sports competitions," said Sage.

"It'll be fun!" said Sun. "Plus chicks dig a man who is good at sports!"

"I don't see why that should make a difference."

"Dude, we're going to a beach. There's going to be babes everywhere. You need to hook up with at least one of them!"

"Why would I 'need' to do such a thing?"

"You're no fun Sage, you know that?"

"Somebody on this team needs to be the responsible one."

Sun wasn't surprised by his team's responses. As the rest of the boys were chatting, Sun took out his scroll to record his secret log.

 _Sun's Log #718: We are heading to Torusy Island Beach for a day of beach blast fun. But it's hard to have fun when you've got a team full of losers who aren't as cool as yours truly. Today is the day I fix all that._

 _First on the agenda is Neptune. On the surface he acts like he's sexy and cool, but the dude can't dance, and he's afraid of water. These two problems are holding him back from winning the heart of Weiss, although personally why he would want that ice queen's heart is beyond me. Today I will help him conquer one his fears by getting his feet wet, and hopefully the rest of his body as well._

 _My next target will then be Scarlet. This dude annoys the hell out of me with his hatred of sand. He's going to walk along the beach wearing sandals and socks. I can give his skin-tight speedo a pass, but wearing footwear at a beach is a big no-no. So I'm going to bury his belongings in the sand, forcing him to touch the sand in order to get his stuff back._

 _Finally, there's Sage. Unlike Neptune, this dude is legit good looking. Also unlike Neptune, he does not socialize enough with the ladies. He is the only member of our team who has never attempted to hook up with anybody. This dude is going to turn into a hermit. I vow to make sure Sage take someone out on a date if it's the last thing I do._

 _The vans are now pulling into the parking lot. Operation "Fun in the SSSN" is in effect._

#

After everyone laid out their stuff on the beach, the teams headed to the shore to cool off. Neptune decided to stay on the beach and work on his tan, far away from the deadly ocean water. He was enjoying the sun's rays until a different kind of Sun blocked his view.

"Mind getting out of the way, Sun?" asked Neptune.

"Have you really come all this way just to lay there?" said Sun.

"I don't see why not."

"Part of going to the beach is enjoying the water. Even Weiss is out there having fun. Don't you want to join her?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"You know, a beach is one of the best places for romance to blossom. Now would be the perfect opportunity to spend some quality time with her."

"I've already got plans for Weiss and I tonight."

"Now that I think about it, a beach could be dangerous if, say, a shark was to attack somebody. I bet Weiss would need a strong, handsome man to save her."

Tired of hearing Sun's rambling and not getting any tanner, Neptune got up and started to pack his stuff to move to a different spot.

"I know what you're trying to do Sun, and I refuse. I am not getting anywhere near that water."

"It is literally two feet deep at most! You wouldn't even need your water wings!"

"I'M NOT GOING!"

With Neptune unwilling to go near the shore even to hang out with Weiss, Sun decided to go with Plan B.

"Say, isn't that Jaune hanging out with Weiss?" said Sun. Neptune suddenly dropped everything and turned to see Jaune talking to Weiss.

"Jaune? What is he doing with Weiss?"

"I'm sure it's nothing to get paranoid over. They are dorm neighbors after all."

Jaune was taking out his scroll and showing Weiss something. He seemed really excited to be doing so as well. Weiss was taking out her scroll as well.

"Why are they taking out their scrolls?" asked Neptune. "Why is he smiling like that? Is he...trying to flirt with her?"

With Neptune's mind now in a state of shock, it was time to instigate him into taking action.

"Man, and after all that talk about how he was going to back off from Weiss after finding out you had a thing for her. Are you just gonna lie here and take that?"

"Like hell I am!"

A now furious Neptune was heading towards Jaune and Weiss. Sun felt bad he had to use Jaune as bait, but few things worked better at getting people together than jealously.

Meanwhile, Weiss was learning how to play some app game that was all the rage in Beacon that Jaune really wanted to show her.

"Then you just flick the ball, and that's how you capture a Pokémon!" said Jaune. "It's that simple!"

"And this is supposed to be fun?" said Weiss. "Sorry Jaune, I don't see why you thought I would enjoy this."

"I wasn't sure myself, but Sun insisted I show you."

"Wait, Sun asked you to show me?"

Weiss turned around and saw an irate Neptune approaching the two of them. Weiss figured Sun must have set something up for this to happen, and as annoyed as Weiss felt around Jaune, even she didn't want to see this escalate.

"Oh no."

"What?"

"You might want to get out before-"

"Jaune!" yelled Neptune. "I thought we talked about this, bro! You trying to stab me in the back?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Jaune.

"Neptune," said Weiss, "I don't know what Sun told you, but-"

"You got some nerve sitting on your high horse and telling ME about how to treat a lady!" said Neptune.

"No really, what are you talking about?" asked Jaune.

Sick of seeing Jaune play dumb, Neptune suddenly pushed Jaune into the shallow water. As Jaune was trying to get back up, Neptune put Jaune in a tight headlock.

"What have you got to say now?" asked Neptune.

"Tidal wave!" said Weiss.

"Tidal wave?"

A large tidal wave was suddenly about to crash on shore. With the sand too soft to walk on, Jaune and Neptune couldn't get out of the way in time as the wave splashed over them, soaking them head to toe. As the tide went back down, Weiss and Sun went to check on them.

"Are you boys all right?" asked Weiss.

"My mouth tastes like salt, but I'm okay," said Jaune.

"How about you Neptune?" asked Sun.

"I'm fine!" said Neptune. "Now as I was saying-"

"It worked!"

"What worked?" asked the other three.

"Neptune was so busy getting angry with Jaune, he didn't even notice he's been completely covered in water!"

"Wait a minute!" said Neptune. "You tricked me into this!"

"That's what I was trying to tell you, you dunce!" said Weiss.

"Is anyone going to tell me what they're talking about?" asked Jaune.

"I'll explain later," said Sun, "but for now, I believe Neptune has finally conquered his fear of the water!"

"Well, it wasn't that bad I suppose," said Neptune. "Although I think I feel something on my leg."

Neptune looked down and noticed something clear looking wrapped around his leg.

"What is this, a plastic bag?"

"Actually Neptune," said Jaune, "I think that's a dead jellyfish."

"Dead...jellyfish?"

 _What soon followed was a scream of terror followed by Neptune getting into the fetal position and having a panic attack. A lifeguard came over to escort Neptune away from the shore. Neptune's fear of water was not conquered, and instead only resulted in Weiss laughing her butt off at how much of a wuss Neptune is._

#

Yang and Scarlet headed to where the surfer crowd was hanging out and pretended to stand around innocuously, waiting to see who amongst the surfers would come around to flirt with them. While they did receive looks here and there, they were only going to count the ones who came up to talk to them.

As a group of surfers walked by, the both of them had their eyes locked on the surfer in the front, a man with jet black shoulder-length hair, crystal blue eyes, and a body straight out of a romance novel.

"I've got this one in the bag," said Yang.

"Hate to disappoint you Yang," said Scarlet, "but according to my gaydar, that man is 100% batting for the other team."

"Yeah? Well my woman's intuition says otherwise!"

"Word of advice Yang; no one finds a woman with a brutish personality attractive.

"Says the man wearing socks at the beach!"

Once their man was close enough to notice them, Yang and Scarlet instantly started posing to accentuate their features while acting like they weren't looking. Their posing caught the surfer's attention; he turned around and walked up to Scarlet.

"Excuse me," said the surfer, "but are you that dude on Team SSSN? Scarlet was it?"

"What's it to you?" replied Scarlet.

"Is it true that you're still single?"

"That is true, although I'm VERY actively looking."

"Well look no further!"

Much to Yang's dismay, Scarlet had nabbed the biggest fish on the beach, taking the early lead against Yang.

"How about I give you a call sometime?" asked the surfer.

"Certainly," said Scarlet. "I'll just get my scroll and..."

Scarlet patted the sides of his speedo to find his scroll, only to realize he didn't have it on him.

"Oh bloody hell, I forgot my scroll! I'll be right back!"

Scarlet ran as fast he could - which wasn't really fast thanks to his obnoxious footwear - back to the van to retrieve his scroll. He got his backpack and opened it up, only to find his scroll and some other items missing.

"Oh biscuits, where did I leave my scroll? I was sure I left it in here!"

"Looking for something Scarlet?" asked Sun, conveniently showing up when Scarlet arrived.

"Sun, I've lost my scroll! Can you call it to see if we hear it ringing?"

"I'll do you one better. Take a look at this."

Sun pulled out a rolled up piece of parchment sealed with a skull and crossbones and handed it to Scarlet.

"Is this a treasure map?" asked Scarlet. "What would I need this for?"

"To find the lost scroll of Scarlet Shoebie David."

"WHAT?" Scarlet unfolded the parchment and saw a poorly drawn picture of the beach with a giant X on it to mark Scarlet's scroll.

"You buried my scroll on the beach?" yelled Scarlet.

"That and a couple of other personal items," said Sun.

"You monster! How am I supposed to get my scroll?"

"Just dig it up with your bare hands!"

"I'm not getting my hands full of sand!"

"Tell you what; I'll tell you exactly where your stuff is if you give up your socks and sandals."

"You mean...I would have to walk on the beach...barefoot?"

"The choice is yours, Scarlet! Ditch the footwear like everyone else or start digging with your bare hands! Either way, you're going to have to feel the sand!"

"Never! If there's one thing Scarlet David will never do, it's touch that disgusting sand!"

"Then I guess you'll just have to buy a new scroll," said Sun, walking off without a care.

Desperate to get his stuff back but not wanting to touch the sand, Scarlet tried to think of someone who can help him find his scroll. The first person he thought of was Pyrrha; her polarity semblance was sure to be of use. Scarlet found Pyrrha lying on the beach and ran to her for help.

"Pyrrha, you've got to help me! Sun buried my scroll! Can you use your magnet powers to find it?"

"Sorry Scarlet," said Pyrrha, "but my semblance doesn't work like that. Try asking Nora; last I saw her she was combing the beach with her metal detector."

Nora and Ren were walking along the beach looking for a supposed pirate treasure buried somewhere. Nora was scanning the surface with a metal detector while Ren was carrying a shovel to dig up any buried treasure they found. Nora's treasure hunt was suddenly interrupted by Scarlet.

"Nora, I need your metal detector!" said Scarlet.

"No way!" said Nora. "I need this to find the long lost treasure of Yarrrgarita!"

"Forget about your stupid pirate treasure! I need to find my scroll!"

"Tough cookies, matey! Get your own!"

Nora turned around and started walking off. Realizing he was letting his only hope leave, Scarlet got in front of Nora again and this time bowed in apology.

"Please Nora, I beg of you!" said Scarlet. "I really need your help! I'll make it up to you any way you want!"

"Any way I want, huh? How about this: I'll help you find your scroll, and in exchange, you have to teach me how to use gaydar!"

"What? You can't teach someone that! You're not even gay!"

"Then no metal detector for you!"

"Okay, I'll do it! Just help me find my scroll already!"

 _Having to rely on Nora and Ren's help, Scarlet spent most of the day looking for his stuff. As promised, he taught Nora how to use gaydar, if such a thing is actually possible. Yang was able to win 4-1 as a result._

#

With the sun starting to set, the teams went to the big Torusy Island Bar to enjoy some refreshments before heading back home. While everyone else was chatting and having fun, Sage was keeping to himself at the bar and overlooking his teammates to make sure they didn't start trouble. Sun took a seat next to him.

"So how has your day of doing absolutely nothing going?" asked Sun.

"Considering how I spend most days bailing you out of a jam, I'd say good so far," replied Sage.

"Well it's about to get even better. Check it out; two babes sitting by themselves. The blonde one looks like she can be your type."

Sun pointed to a pair of women sitting on the other end of the bar; one in a hoodie who looked to be enjoying herself, and a blonde one who looked like she would rather be somewhere else.

"Here's the plan: We go over there, I start chatting about ourselves, and then I'll pull the hoodie girl aside so you can spend some quality time alone with the blonde one."

"I thought you were trying to date Blake. Don't you think she'll get mad when she sees you hitting on someone else?"

"I'm not actually going to hit on her. I'm just pretending to be your wingman so you can score."

"Sun, I made it perfectly clear this morning I'm not doing this. Besides, after what Neptune told me happened earlier, you're the last person I want helping me find a date."

"Well Sage, if that's really the way you feel...I'll leave you alone then."

"Thank you, Sun. I appreciate that."

"Now on an unrelated note...you see that tall rhino guy over there?"

Sage turned around to see a tall faunus man nearly seven feet tall and bulging with muscles sitting at a table. He definitely looked like the kind of man one shouldn't start a fight with.

"What about him?" asked Sage.

"Think I can take him in a fight?"

"Sun, I swear to God you better not-"

Sun got up and started walking towards the man. Sage quickly grabbed Sun by the arm.

"Fine, I'll go along with your stupid plan!" quickly said Sage.

Sun dragged his unwilling friend over to the other end of the bar and pulled up seats next to the two single ladies.

"Hey ladies," said Sun, "do you know how much a polar bear weighs?"

"Let me guess," said the hoodie girl. "Enough to break the ice?"

"Bingo! I'm Sun, and this tall piece of dark chocolate is Sage."

"My apologies," said Sage, "but he insisted we come over and chat with you."

"No problem!" said the hoodie girl. "I'm Reese, and this grumpy little goose is Arslan."

"Don't ever call me that again," replied Arslan.

"So where are you two ladies visiting from?" asked Sun.

"Haven Academy!" replied Reese.

"Fellow Haven alumni! Then perhaps you've already heard of us?"

"Aren't you friends with the guy who can't swim?"

"Yeah, but to be honest, he's kind of the loser of the team. You're looking at the star players right here!"

"You refer to your own teammates as losers?" said Arslan. "What kind of team leader are you?"

"He works in mysterious ways," said Sage.

"More like you have no idea what he's saying," said Reese.

"Watch it, skater girl!" said Sun. "I'm the team leader because I'm one of the best fighters in Haven, not to mention the most good looking!"

"Best fighter? I'll see for myself. As for most good looking, you're a seven at best, buddy!"

"Oh yeah? Well I also happen to be the Vacuon hot dog eating champion!"

"Yeah, right! With that skinny butt of yours?"

"This 'skinny butt' can pack more wieners than you can imagine!"

"Sounds like a typical Friday night for you!"

Both Sage and Arslan gave an exasperated sigh, equally embarrassed to be associated with this ridiculous argument.

"All right you punk rock wannabe," said Sun, "let's you put your money where your mouth is! A thousand lien says I can best you in an eating contest!"

"It's ON!" said Reese, pulling out a thousand lien from her wallet.

"Sage, me and skater girl have a score to settle. Be right back!"

Sun and Reese got up from the bar and went to a separate table to have their contest, leaving Sage alone with Arslan. Sage decided to try and make the best out of this situation.

"I guess this is the part where I buy you a drink?" asked Sage.

"Save your money," said Arslan.

"I can tell you're very annoyed by all this. I'm terribly sorry."

"Let me guess; your friend dragged you into this? Insisted you socialize and find yourself a girlfriend?"

"How did you know?"

"My friend has been trying to do the same thing. In fact, she was begging for the two of you to come over and start something."

"Yeah, if there's one thing my friend is good at, it's trying to start something."

"I didn't even want to come out here, but she kept begging me like 'C'mon Arslan, you need to let loose and have fun! The beach will be full of hot dudes you can totally hook up with!'"

"She sounds like my team leader. To be honest, I'd rather be back at the academy working on my training."

"Same here."

Getting more comfortable around Arslan, Sage decided to sit closer to her.

"So what's your style of fighting?" asked Sage.

"Hand to hand," said Arslan. "You?"

"Broadsword."

"One of those giant sword guys, huh? You know the saying about men with big swords, don't you?"

"I assure you I am not trying to compensate for anything. I simply find swords to be simple and efficient."

"I'm kidding. To be honest, I hate that phrase. Completely immature."

Sage and Arslan could hear the crowd behind them start cheering. They turned to see everyone watching Sun and Reese stuff themselves with more hot dogs than they could possibly handle. Both participants were past ten hot dogs each when they suddenly looked like they were about to blow chunks.

"We should probably intervene now," said Sage.

"Agreed," said Arslan. "Though I have to say, I enjoyed talking with you tonight."

"Yes, this was pleasantly surprising."

"Give me a call sometime when you get back to the academy."

 _A few days later, Sage and Arslan went on a 'date.' I use the term 'date' loosely because it consisted of studying at the library for two hours, and all they did was chat about combat strategies. I'm not even sure these two actually count as a couple. By the way, that Reese girl totally threw up before I did. My reign as hot dog eating champ continues._

#

With the sun gone and the moon out, the teams packed up and were about to head home.

"Well that one hell of a day at the beach!" said Sun. "I call shotgun!"

"Oh no!" said Neptune, removing Sun's bag from the van. "You're not riding with us Sun! Not after all the crap you pulled today!"

"What? You mean trying to help you guys actually be cool?"

"You nearly got me paralyzed from the jellyfish attack!"

"And you used me to get back at Neptune!" exclaimed Jaune.

"And you cost me a thousand lien with Yang, plus I never got that guy's number!" exclaimed Scarlet.

"And you nearly got us kicked out of the bar," said Sage.

"Okay," said Sun, "MAYBE my good intentions lead to some unfortunate circumstances. But I was only doing all that because I care about you guys! Can't you forgive me?"

"All in favor of kicking out Sun?" asked Neptune. Everyone instantly raised their hands, resulting in a 5-0 vote against Sun. It was bad enough his own team voted unanimously, but even Jaune and Ren wanted no part of it.

"What did I do to you, Ren?" asked Sun.

"Nothing," said Ren. "I just think you're annoying."

"Well fine! I'll just ride with the girls! I'm sure they would enjoy my company!"

The meeting with the girls didn't go well either. All of the girls voted for Sun to not come along - Weiss raising both arms to double ensure Sun not getting in their van. Sun was shocked to see none of the girls feeling even remotely bad for him. Even Blake was voting against him.

"But Blake!" said Sun. "I thought we were...you know!"

"I thought so too until I saw you with that Haven girl," said Blake. "You can explain when you find your own way home."

And so, with Sun being rejected from both sides, the two vans drove off and ditched him on the now deserted beach of Torusy Island. Sun picked up his belongings and headed to the nearest bus stop. While waiting for the bus, he recorded one final log for the day.

 _Sun's Log #719: Operation "Fun in the SSSN" has been a total failure. Despite my willingness to make my team cooler, my team saw it as nothing more than annoying shenanigans. Neptune is still a scaredy-cat, Scarlet is still a...sandphobe? Sandsnob? Whatever, he hates sand, and Sage will surely die a virgin. I am now waiting for the next bus back to Beacon. Today may have been a setback, but I will not give up. One day, I will make Team SSSN the coolest team in the world._

...

 _Sun's Log #720: It's getting dark, the bus hasn't arrived, and I keep hearing strange noises. I wanna go hooooome!_


End file.
